garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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