what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
