It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
