Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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