similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I deserve this hangover.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
