Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
