Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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