dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
