Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
