last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
