I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
