guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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