There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
