I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
