You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
