You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Operation Purity has been aborted
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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