the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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