You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
