If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
