that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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