Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize