I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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