My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Panties = found
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize