you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
