I accidentally burped into my bong.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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