Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize