btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
