Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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