i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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