he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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