the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
