just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have already put on my inside pants.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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