Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
