The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This is classic penis vs brain.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize