did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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