If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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