Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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