you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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