do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
