I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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