At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
