i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
