While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
