Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize