Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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