Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize