How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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