someone threw a dead crab at me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
