Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
