I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
