dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
