shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
