yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
