Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize