Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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