Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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