i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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