Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
