i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
