I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
