Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
