Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize