if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
