ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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