I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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