wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
