There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
