You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
