you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
