this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
