hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
