It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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