She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
