just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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